There is a bad joke that men come first in the bedroom, that women come second or not at all. Regardless of the strength or quality of the joke, there is a Tendency for men to come first in the bedroom, period. Men and women are built differently on a biological level that we have no ability to change, so let’s start by accepting that and moving on. So there are two things to be addressed here, men coming early and women coming late.
Women – learn to come, because there is only so much men can do
There is an understanding that men make women come. This is something that both men and women want to believe, and it is often true in the moment of orgasm. However, there is something which can effectively bottle neck or strangle hold the man’s ability to make her come. The question is can she come in the first place.
When a woman comes, she is the one doing it. Her body has to be relaxed enough, free from enough stress and worry, and turned on enough to orgasm. Her partner will have a lot to building towards this, but fundamentally does she know how to come? If she does not, if she has never come or has real trouble orgasming, if there is a mental or physical block preventing her from orgasm or even a medical issue – there will be nothing the man can do about it. I want to repeat this as it is so important. If the woman does not know how to come, there will be nothing their partner can do about it. It is important that the woman take responsibility for her own body and learn how to come herself. Once she can do this, it paves the way for good sex.
Men – work on your control
Again it is a stereo type that men come quickly and uncontroably. Well gentleman, it is normal to be bad at tennis if you have never spent time getting good at tennis, right? So the same is true here. Unless you make time and effort to get *good* at sex you will never get better.
Spend time learning control. There are a number of ways that you can do this, stop start technique is one that is tried and tested and that many people swear by. The other thing is “edging” - bringing yourself to the brink of coming then stopping everything in order to calm down. Learning the point of your edge is a great way to be able to recognise it when it approaches and then stop yourself from going over the edge.
Regardless: You must sort yoursex out
No one else can teach your body how to do this – only you can. So take the time to learn how to come in the way that you want to come, your orgasms will never be better than after you have done this.
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