To ensure you have the best sex ever whilst using F-Buddy it’s important to know about some of the experiences that aren’t that great. Not only do they make for entertaining reading, but they also serves as reminders of what you should and shouldn’t do when having sex. Good sex comes with lots of practice…bad sex comes from not thinking properly.
1. Puke Dick
Just the title should be enough to put you off. This has happened to many people so beware!
“After a boozy night out with my boyfriend we went back to his and started getting horny. Eventually he unzipped himself and I started going down on him. My stomach was feeling a bit fragile following all the vodka I’d drunk and I remember starting to feel queasy. So of course that was when he put his hand behind my head and thrust me forward. I was literally gagging on his dick and I could feel my stomach churn and…I started vomiting. We don’t go out anymore, but just a warning to any girl giving her bloke a blow job…don’t do it you’re drunk and feeling queasy.”
2. Shit Sex
Surprisingly common…but not pleasant.
“Usually I remember to make sure I’ve been to the toilet before I do anal, but this time I was tired and figured a bit of sex might be just the pick me up I needed. Anyway we were just getting into the rhythm of it when my boyfriend thrust me onto my back and whispered into my ear “I want to fuck you in the ass now”. It was actually kind of a turn on so I just nodded whilst biting my lip. I thought things would be fine and we both knew to use lots of lube and a condom. Anyway after about 5 thrusts, I heard this fart noise and a horrible smell. He said ‘Uh…I think we should stop…’ and when I looked down between my legs I could see…well let’s just say I needed to change my bedding and we both needed a shower. I will never do anal again unless I’ve been to the toilet that day.”
3. Blown Out
Oral sex…with a health warning!
“My boyfriend and I were at a house party. About 1 in the morning everyone had gotten drunk and several couples were already off having sex or fingering each other behind the sofas, so we figure it might be fun to do the same thing. All the bedrooms and living spaces were taken so we went outside and I started giving him a blow job behind one of the bushes in the back garden. After a while I felt my mouth becoming really wet so I started stroking and sucking harder. Then my boyfriend started screaming. I pulled away to see what the problem was only to notice the blood all down his dick. I had broken his banjo string and ripped his hood away from his penis. We had to get to the bathroom quick but I didn’t realise my top and mouth were all covered in blood as well. Imagine the looks on drunken people’s faces as we both staggered into the house covered in blood and my boyfriend screaming….it put me off oral for a while.”
I think we can all learn something from these stories…mainly not to drink too much before having sex and to take a shit before having anal sex.
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