You have all had sex in a standard, what many people call “vanilla”, way. You have all done the missionary position. You have all had a range of good to bad sex. If you want to do anything further than this, implementing the use of a safe word can be massively helpful for both you and your partner. To cover this, here are is the what, why and how of how to use safe words.
What is a safe word
Put simply, a safe word is a way of saying “stop”. It is a way to turn off the sex tap, pause the sex tape, pull the ejector seat from the sex plane that you are currently riding all the way to orgasm island. So if you safe word is “timeout” for example, when someone says it, everything stops immediately without question or hesitation.
Why do you need a safe word, they can just say “stop” or “no” can’t they?
Well not always. Depending on the type of sex play that you are doing, the other person may want to (for fun) put up a bit of a struggle. For example you may be play fighting a bit and they may be pushing you away. Usually you would take this as a sign to stop immediately, but you are playing so you know that they are just pushing you as part of this... how do you know this? What if it becomes a real push away – how have you any hope of checking this? Well the answer lies in the safe word. If for them it becomes serious, if they really do want you away or to stop, they can just say the safe word and everything stops. The great thing about this for you is that this also means *you* also don’t have to worry about it. If they haven’t said the safe word, then you are good to keep going and enjoy yourself, and you can do so without fear of mis interpreting anything. Great for both of you – right?
How to implement one
So the last part is choosing your safe word. The key is to pick an easy word to say, but one that is never used naturally during sex. Some people go for something random like “banana” or “star trek”. It doesn’t matter what you use, as long as it is something that you would never use otherwise. I personal would advise something that has a similar meaning, I often recommend the use of the word “timeout” to beginners as it also means what it says – but no one ever uses it day to day. You should choose your safe word together between you, it should be short and easy to say, and you both need to be happy with the choice.
So thats how safe words work. So go out and have some fun – knowing that you will have consent the whole time without fear!
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