People talk often about the importance of being confident in the dating market place - and they are right to do so. There is nothing more attractive than being super confident, whether you are a man or a woman. If you walk through the world with ease, not a care in the world, fearlessly approaching whatever life hands you. Well. Damn that is hot. I mean super hot! People like to have fearless fuck buddies particularly; it leaves them confident in their ability to share the things that they are really into. To tell you about their fantasies and their sexual desires, and even then go on to fulfil them. You just don’t do this with someone who is less confident. So how can we grow this sexual confidence?
Telling yourself to just be more confident doesn't work
Confidence is bullshit in this sense. Simply telling yourself to be more confident does not work, and certainly having someone else turn to you and say “be more confident” only breeds anger! It is so annoying when people do this, right? So what *can* you do? The key is to remind yourself why you should be confident – with facts. Let’s look at this.
You know you can cross the road
You already know you can cross the road without dying. You have done it thousands of times, so when you do it, you do it with unconscious confidence. Great, right? So how did you get here? Well the first few times you did it nervously. Then at some point you started thinking “well I did it last time and survived, so I think I can do it this time and survive”. This is the key moment. Later you pushed through to knowing 100% that you can do it, but let’s zoom in on this moment. There was this point when you started to “fake it till you made it” – but with fact behind you.
How this translates to other areas
You need to be in this moment if you are unconfident about something. Instead of just telling yourself to be more confident, give yourself a fact to ride and aim for this middle ground of fake till you make it. When were you in a similar situation and it was all alright? When did you do something in a similar place, with similar people, or even just at a similar event and it all went well? If you can tap into this, remind yourself of it, then do whatever you are planning on doing, you will be able to do it with more confidence. You don’t have to be overflowing with confidence, just push it up a little... because then when it goes alright, then this becomes your next referencing point for why you can be confident.
Compound confidence
The whole thing is like compound interest. The more you do it the more confident you get and the more easily it will come. So get out there and start making evidence for yourself as to why you should be confident. Small steps to begin with is good. It will build. Trust me.
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