A study which collected data from 25,000 people in the US concluded that men who described themselves as ‘being in love’ with the person they have sex with were more likely to describe the experience as being ‘extremely pleasurable’ as opposed to having casual sex with someone you don’t know that well. However, when women were asked the same questions the answers varied. There was a large majority who claimed that having sex outside of a loving relationship could be just as pleasurable – if not more so – then sex with a partner they loved.
“Sex can mean different things to different people. I have had sex with someone I loved which was wonderful, but when we broke up had sex with a guy I met just twice before hopping into bed. That was mind blowing! But they were 2 different types of sex in my mine. Equally pleasurable, but in different ways. This is the distinction that people fail to make.”
Sally D, 36, California
What Sally describes is interesting as it is fairly obvious to us that sex in different contexts will mean different things to different people. But does that mean that one type of sex is ‘better’ then another?
“To me good sex is all about context. I can have amazing sex with a man who is an amazing lover, but never see him again or be particularly bothered by that. I can also have amazing sex with someone I deeply care about and love. On the other side of the coin I can have bad sex with a stranger and bad sex with someone I love. Emotional state, experience, and desire all come into play whichever side of the coin you operate on.”
Estelle A, 33, Indiana
Sex can be good or bad irrespective of it being casual or loving
The thing that all these sexual behaviour studies always fail to take into account is the different types of sexual pleasure that people can experience. Just because you had great sex one night with a girl/guy you met randomly doesn’t mean you’re going to have great sex with the next girl/guy you meet randomly. Equally just because you have amazing sex with a long term lover one night does not mean the next time you have sex with them things will be great.
Tiredness, fitness, emotional state…all of these come into play for everybody regardless of relationship status.