We’ve had a lot of email recently from guys asking for help when messaging or approaching women cold. As the questions were all similar we decided to ask the women what approaches work and what approaches don’t. Pay attention guys as these errors might be yours.
1. Being Defensive
A lot of guys (me included) make the classic mistake of assuming the worst when approaching and talking to women on the street or in a bar. “Why the hell would she want to talk to me?” “I bet she’ll tell me to fuck off…” Unless you’re a natural pick up artist then the chances are one or more of these thoughts have run through your head. But they are only in your head. If you go in expecting the worst, you’ll receive the worst. Try going in expecting a positive response and you’ll be amazed at the response you’ll get. Believe it or not most women are friendly and are looking to chat with equally friendly people. Go in confident that you’re a great guy, and you’ll get a great response.
2. Reacting rather than Acting
This is a common mistake men make according to women. Sometimes a guy spends too much time wondering what the woman is thinking of him rather than just conversing naturally. If you over think what you say before you say it then you’re reacting to your fear of how she sees you. Don’t do it. If there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t try to fill it with nonsense no matter how awkward you start feeling. Your silence will actually encourage the woman to try and talk more.
3. Not checking to see if she already has a boyfriend or is seeing someone
So you’ve spent 40 minutes talking to a girl and then only at the end when you ask for her number do you discover that she’s attached. FAIL! Next time, try finding out early on whether or not the girl you’re talking to is available. You can be direct: “Are you single?” or you can be discreet and say something like “I bet your boyfriend loves you chatting to random guys!” Whichever way you decide to go, say it with confidence and you’ll be fine.
4. Being Wasted
Epic fail guys. If you’re talking to a woman and you’re having trouble standing let alone talking, the chances are she’ll pick up on it and fuck off. No one wants to talk to a sleazy drunk which is exactly how she’ll see you even if you think you’re Don-fucking-Juan. Have a few drinks if you want sure, but stay sharp and stay sober.
5. Overuse of Pick Up Lines
This is an interesting one, as pick up lines do work (whether women want to admit it or not), but if all you have are pick up lines, then the conversation is going to run dry very very quickly. You need to have a personality to continue a conversation so don’t be afraid to let yours show after you’ve opened.
6. Talking about yourself too much
Yes you’re very interesting and ever so important…but why the fuck should she care if all you’re talking about is yourself? ‘Arrogant’, ‘boring’ and ‘a dick’ will be the 3 things she thinks if all you do is talk about yourself. Allow the conversation to flow naturally and you’ll be fine.
7. Talking to her friend too much
A classic pick up trick…and an epic fail if overused. Yes it’s true that if you chat to a woman’s friends you are communicating your ability to be able to talk to anyone and be attractive and interesting in the object of your desire’s eyes – “why is this guy talking to my friends but not to me?” but you need to temper this. You do actually need to talk to the girl you want to talk to as well. If you don’t show any interest then she’ll fuck off and you’ll be stuck with her less attractive (to you) friend.
8. Watch the Personal Space
You’ve only just met, so just like when you meet someone in the street or in the office or at a party…wherever…watch the space. No one likes their personal space being invaded by someone they don’t know early on. You need to establish social trust before you can start being touchy-feely. Fortunately this can be done very quickly, but you cannot start by putting your arm around a woman before you’ve even said hello. 9 times out of 10 she’ll walk away or tell you to fuck off.
9. Assuming everyone’s on the pull
It’s hard to believe, but sometimes people go out with their friends to, you know, actually just go out with their friends. Take the hint if the group isn’t engaging you and leave.
10. Right time, Wrong Place
People assume that the gym is the best place to pick up women. Sorry, but it’s not. Women (even though some of them look stunning in those skin tight gym outfits) do not want to chat with a guy when they’re in the exercise zone and feeling all sweaty. The same rings true for office politics. Women don’t want to be hit on when they’re you know, trying to do their job! You might be the most attractive sought after guy in the world, but you’ll still get told to piss off if you try and pick up women in the wrong place.
We hope that answers some of your approach questions but if you have any more feel free to contact us.
Happy fucking!
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