On line dating - It is a numbers game

EdBennett — Thu, 19 May 2016 12:56:39 +0000

19 May 2016 - 13:56 | Tags: online dating, online dating advice

Whether you are looking for a casual relationship, a one of threesome, a regular f-buddy, a long term relationship or even your hearts true love, it is actually all a numbers game.

When trying to get a girl or guy into a romantic or sexual context, we often out the onus on ourselves in terms of how it went. If it goes “badly” then we will instinctively look inwards to ourselves to see what we did “wrong” or even more what is wrong with us. That can often lead to incorrect assumptions about ourselves. I was too talky/I didn’t talk enough. I was too loud/I was too quiet. (S)He would have liked me more if only I have been richer/better looking/stronger/better dressed etc etc. We then would often take action on these learnings. We would put huge effort into going to the gym, or into earning more money. We would go and spend what money we have on better clothes, or perhaps learn a language to impress a girl/guy. There is no limit to the extent that we will go in this regard...

...when actually maybe we just need to play the numbers game. If you meet, let’s say you like girls for a second, a girl you really like. You find out about her and you realise what she really wants is to date a doctor. You really want a girlfriend, but you are a builder. So you put huge effort to change your life to become a doctor. You go to University, you work hard, you take exams and eventually you become a doctor. At this point, maybe she decides she likes you and goes out with you, or maybe not. The important thing here is that you spent your time and effort/energy on changing your self to better suit the requirements of this one girl. Why not do it the other way?

You see, there will also be a ton of girls out there who want to date a builder. They want a guy who is strong, works with his hands rather than just his brain, who can make things. So rather then spend time and effort trying to change to be someone else that the girl in front of you wants, why not instead spend that effort looking for the girl who actually wants you as you are now! The girl for whom you are already the ideal f-buddy/relationship/threesome partner etc etc.

This is a numbers game, so play the numbers and you will eventually discover the person for whom you are the perfect find!

Don’t allow dating to make you a dick

EdBennett — Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:44:34 +0000

21 Feb 2016 - 15:44 | Tags: online dating advice, online dating tips

With dating there are inevitable moments where someone you like does not like you back. Or someone you kissed doesn't want to kiss you again. It gets harder to deal with the further down the line that you go. Someone you fuck doesn't want to fuck you again, or someone that you have spent a year with doesn't want another year. Even when the relationship is clearly defined and non monogamous it can still be disappointing. When a fuck buddy calls to say that she’s done her last booty call with you, even when the reason is nothing to do with relationships eg she is leaving the country, it can still be disappointing. So how do we better cope with the rejection? We have to recognise that it is not us. It is literally them. Cliché – but let us recognise the truth of where this comes from.

Let us go from the easiest point of “rejection” – though I do not like this word as it suggests that the person has a sense of who you are. The point of either not responding to a contact message or messaging to say they don’t want to meet you. I am specifically talking about before you have even met them face to face or in person.

So you have messaged a girl, and she responds. You are overjoyed! Hot-girl386 is interested in you! So you carefully compose a message back... and get nothing. So you wait an appropriate time and send another message. Still nothing. So then you message the next day to check she got the message. Nothing. So you message at lunchtime. Then in the evening. You send her your telephone number in case she has internet issues – but then realise that if she has internet issues then she won’t get the message. You realise that it is up to you to take the initiative and ensure that she has your details another way. You facebook stalk her using her profile image against a Google image search to locate her, then send her a private message on facebook with your number. But then you realise that when you private message someone who is not one of your “friends” it gets filtered into a separate inbox that they generally don’t see unless they friend you or check it separately. This could take up to a week on average to happen! So you do the gentlemanly thing. You go through all her friends, “friending” them all in the hope that one of them responds and you can go through them. After an hour of biting your nails with no response you then realise you are short changing her. What kind of girl would go out with a guy that makes such little effort?! So, like the 7 steps of separation to Kevin bacon, you go through all her friends, and the friends of friends till you find a direct connection to her through someone you are friends with. You then direct message them asking them to pass your number on to X so she can pass it to so-and-so until it reaches her.

The next day your phone bleeps. It is her! With jubilation you pick up the phone to read the message:

“I was out of the country for a couple of days without internet. I liked you, but looks like I have had a lucky escape now your true self has come through. Stop stalking me. I have contacted the police.”

Keep it in perspective. If she doesn't message you back it is probably something else. Perhaps she was never interested in the first place, but don’t push it. Better to focus your efforts on meeting other women.

Go forth and message.

F-Buddy.com - online dating advice

On line dating - It is a numbers game

Don’t allow dating to make you a dick