Worst Chat Up Lines Ever

EdBennett — Mon, 17 Aug 2015 10:47:21 +0000

17 Aug 2015 - 11:47 | Tags: chat up lines, casual sex, f-buddy, texting, sexting, messaging

In keeping with our recent glut on what to write in a first message, we’ve decided to share and comment on some of the worst chat up lines we’ve had the misfortune to read. Sadly I wish I could say these were false. Sadly they’re not. Read on dear user, but beware these types of chat up lines in your conversations. The chances of you getting laid using them will be zero to none.

1. Opener: “Spit or swallow?”
Response: “Douchebagosauraus or Fucktard?”

This one made me laugh. But considering the guy had just been pretty lame with his opening message, he got what he deserved.

2. Opener: “That’s a nice bra. Want me to help you out of it?”
Response: “No.”

Also made me laugh, however this can work depending on the mood of the person you’re sending it to.

3. Opener: “Hey babe. I’ll fuck you so well; the neighbours will be having a cigarette at the end of it!”
Response: “That’s great! I love ‘Neighbours’. My favourite character is Paul Robinson.”

Funny simply because of the innocent sarcasm in the response. Again dirty talk can work, but rarely on the first message or chat up line.

4. Opener: “Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.”
Response: none

That the guy actually thought he was going to get a response is funny in itself. That he thought this was a good line to open with is just plain weird and quite sad.

5. Opener: “Hi there, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?”
Response: Varied

Okay, I thought this one was quite funny. It had the benefit of humour and the acknowledgement that in a casual setting this can be used well. However it still triggers a varied response with many women choosing never to respond. Back to the drawing board guys!

6. Opener: “Do you want to be my insignificant other?”
Response: “Fuck you, dick head!”

One of my favourite bad lines and one of my favourite responses. Kind of says it all really.

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Worst Chat Up Lines Ever