F-Buddy.com - how to deal with sexual rejection

If you want to find a fuck buddy, you have to bounce back

EdBennett — Tue, 31 Jan 2023 00:30:21 +0000

31 Jan 2023 - 00:30 | Tags: getting over an exgirlfriend, how to deal with sexual rejection

Rejection. This is something that is really hard to accept. No matter what area in life we experience rejection, when we do, it is always hard. Going for a job we really want and then being told they are giving it to someone else can really hurt. Asking a friend to come to your party / dinner / event and they say no because they are going to something else already can sting. Seeing if your family want to come and help you with something but they say they cannot because they have the kids that weekend, even this is a rejection (as understandable as it is). All of this has one thing in common, ultimately you are getting rejected whilst someone else is not. The employer that didn’t give you the job did give it to someone else. The friend who isn’t spending time with you is choosing to spend their time with another friend over spending time with you. The family member, as much as we logically know that spending time with their kids is completely normal and reasonable, is still prioritising another human over you. This is part of the foundational reason that rejection is so hard to handle sometimes. You are getting rejected, but someone else isn’t. So what makes them so much better than you that they get chosen over you!? This has never been more apt than when you are reject in favour of another lover. It questions your existence as a desirable human being. What exactly is it that the other fuck buddy had that you did not?! You have to learn to bounce back from this.

Why you have to bounce back quickly

Time and your life only moves in one direction (and I am not referring to the band). The longer you spend getting over the rejection, the longer it takes for you to get back out there and meet people… and to some degree it is a numbers game. You have to meet a certain amount of people to find someone where there is chemistry, so the sooner you bounce, the quicker you are back in the game.

Understand most of the time it is not you!

This is a tricky one, but understand it is not you most of the time. It is how they are wired, the environmental conditions of their life, what they have been conditioned into believing. All of this happened in the decades before you met, so it has nothing to do with you.

The “other” person did not beat you, they are inconsequential

Finally, the “other” person that got to sleep with the fuck buddy you wanted did not beat you. They are not better (or worse) than you, they are just a different flavour of person. That is all it is.

So, try and bounce fast. It is not you, it is them.

Truth and lies: the honesty of sex – both pleasurable and painful

EdBennett — Fri, 29 Jul 2022 23:44:51 +0000

30 Jul 2022 - 00:44 | Tags: mutual pleasure, how to deal with sexual rejection, being honest with your fuck buddy

Having a fuck buddy can be one of the best things in the world. Firstly sex is one the best ways to increase your overall happiness. Good food, good sleep and sex is a sure-fire recipe for feeling good! Usually, I would put the word exercise or movement in there, but the sex also does that for you. It is a fantastic workout. When you have a fuck buddy, you can afford to be really honest about the sex with them because that is the reason that you are with them. However, we are human and therefore sometimes we still struggle with this. Other times we are honest, and this can unleash a level of pain and suffering that was neither intended nor meant. Allow me to expand.

When sex is unequivocally honest

There are certain things that are just a turn on. For a woman, the rising of a penis in response to them is a turn on. It’s hardness, stiffness, can be a pleasure and an erotic arousal unlike any other words or actions. For a man, the same can be said of a woman’s wet vagina, the stiffening of her nipples and the involuntary opening of her legs. Why is this all such a turn on? Because it is honest. In the 21st century, we live in a world of politeness and niceties. In a world where we can never be sure if the waitress is nice to use because (s)he likes us or because (s)he just wants a big tip, what can we trust? We can trust a man's erection and a woman’s wetness. These are not things that are faked, and they tell us that, without any doubt, that this particular fuck buddy really is into us. Now that is beautiful.

When sexual honesty is at its most painful

Rejection always hurts. Some few bounce so quickly that they appear unhurt, but even they take the smallest of hits. Most feel it. Even when we know it to be irrational, when we know we should be wiser, we are not. What is the most difficult? “Not tonight dear”. This is the hardest and the most hurtful sexually. When you are trying to hook up with someone in a bar and you are rejected this is reasonably easy to bounce from. Rejection is on the cards. When we are pushed back by a partner or a fuck buddy, this rejection is the most painful. I want to be clear, we must always be respectful, but rejection of this ilk can stay with us the longest.

Casual Sex Helps Deal With Rejection

EdBennett — Sun, 29 Dec 2013 20:00:00 +0000

29 Dec 2013 - 20:00 | Tags: sexual rejection, how to deal with sexual rejection

Believe it or not casual sex can help us deal with emotional and physical rejection. This claim was first made back in 2012 by several psychologists studying the long term effects casual hook ups can have on a person’s mental health. There were of course both positives and negatives to having multiple sexual partners on a regular basis just as there are on having a single sexual partner on a long term basis. But whereas a bad break up in a long term sexual relationship can take months – sometimes years – to get over, the rebuff from a casual sex partner toughens the mental barrier we all naturally have towards the act of being rejected.

Rejection is painful
No one likes to be rejected. Whether we are rejected at work over a job or an idea, or by friends or family who no longer wish to see us, it is painful. No matter how you look at it, even when you think have become the most emotionally tough person in the world, a simple act of rejection can reduce you to the level of a child all over again.

Sexual Rejection can be intensely damaging
When we are rejected sexually, the wounds this causes can take a long time to heal. Sometimes the scar tissue becomes permanent and it only takes a little prick to reopen old wounds. But when we are engaging in casual sex or open relationships, being rejected doesn’t hurt as much as it does when we are in a long term committed relationship. This is because we have not formed as close a bond as we do with one partner as opposed to several. When we decide to stop having sex with a fuck buddy it is far easier to talk to the person about it. As a result the feeling or rejection is diminished greatly. It becomes more like talking to a friend about the fact that you can’t see them as much as you used to.

Yes the same feelings of loss and sadness can occur, but they are nowhere near as intense as they are if you were breaking up with someone you’d be going out with for four years as an example.

The positive effect
Being rejected in this manner enables you to become better able to deal with rejection in other areas of your life. Instead of crying over it, you become better able to analyse your feelings and ask intelligent questions of yourself. What is it about this relationship that stopped the other person from wanting to continue with it? Am I all that this person needed sexually? These questions are hard to ask usually, but the very casual element of casual sex enables you to ask them with a level of maturity and clarity that we just can’t access when we come out of a long term relationship.

Critics of casual sex will say that this merely makes us robotic animals bowing to our base instincts and running away from emotional commitment. Actually evidence suggests that indulging in casual sex can often aid and strengthen a long term relationship as the casual sex has enabled us to explore our sexuality in a more fluid environment. We know what we like and don’t like and this enables us to select a more sexually compatible partner in the long term. The casual rejections because they are small and less significant, enable us to deal with criticism of ourselves in the long term and can make us more rounded individuals emotionally and sexually.

What do you think?
Have a look at all the people you hooked up with. If you can analyse the end of each casual relationship and ask yourself if it has helped you to become clearer about yourself and what it is you want from a sexual relationship. We would love to hear your thoughts on this.