Oneitis – Why we all turn into morons when we like someone

EdBennett — Thu, 29 May 2014 23:18:57 +0000

30 May 2014 - 00:18 | Tags: oneitis

There’s this weird situation that all guys and girls face at some point in their sexual lives. You meet a few people, sleep with them and just carry on as normal the next day.

But every now and then you go all ‘Romeo & Juliet’ and end up falling heavily for one person in particular. You get tongue tied, you get the shakes, you spend hours pining after them and sometimes you even get the sweats. The tongue tied part is the worst. You recite clearly what it is you’re about to say in your head, you rehearse it, check yourself out in the mirror before you say it, but when it actually comes down to actually saying it…you can’t. Instead one of two things happens. You either spurt out the most inane rubbish you’ve ever heard of in your life, or you end up looking at the object of your affection like a goldfish; silently opening and closing your mouth.

Lessons
I recently came down with a severe case of ‘oneitis’. If you haven’t heard that expression before it basically means becoming obsessed with one person. It’s the adult version of a ‘crush’. You convince yourself that this one girl or boy you’ve started to like is the only girl or boy who can fulfil your need. You spend hours obsessing over them. You imagine yourself with them. You imagine them telling you how much they fancy you and how much they want to sleep with you and that they were afraid to say anything because they didn’t think you felt the same way.

Why it’s bad for you
You can’t see the wood for the trees when you’ve got a crush. The whole world becomes distorted. Shakespeare’s tragedy of Romeo & Juliet might be seen as the definitive example of why it is dangerous and unhealthy to become so obsessed with just one person. A tragic love story it may have been, but one of the points Shakespeare was trying to make was that obsession serves madness.

How to break the crush
There are to my knowledge only two ways to do it. The first takes longer but requires low action. The second requires courage, but enables you to recover far more easily.

1. Stop spending time with your crush
2. Tell your crush how you feel

I went for option 2 recently because I got fed up with not being able to concentrate effectively whenever I was around this person. I was politely rejected.

I was disappointed.

However, I am still alive. The best thing the rejection did for me was to remind me that there are millions of other women out there. That’s millions of other women who might be a better match for me then that one person I’ve wasted so much time obsessing over. And let’s not forget…millions of other women I could be sleeping with.

What I’ve learnt
The sooner you deal with a crush, the sooner you can move on from it. Don’t spend months pining after this one person you like. If you like someone – tell them sooner rather than later. It might work out! It might not. But one way or another you avoid that dreaded zone we all fall into at some point – the ‘friend zone’.

Oneitis: Diagnosis & Cure

jeni — Mon, 14 Oct 2013 08:00:00 +0000

14 Oct 2013 - 09:00 | Tags: oneitis, sleeping with 1 fuck buddy

A girlfriend of mine recently asked my opinion on something that has been bugging her as well as many other friends of mine a lot recently. She’s been sleeping with one guy for over a year now, but is not his girlfriend. They enjoy a fuck buddy relationship or as she calls it ‘a friends with benefits’ arrangement. The trouble she says, is that she suddenly realised that she had been sleeping with this guy for over a year, but had failed to meet anyone new, fuck buddy or otherwise.

She was worried.

Paging Dr Sex
Finding a fuck buddy is great! We are here to help you find a casual relationship that satisfies all your sexual needs. However we’re not blind to the emotional elements that can crop up as a result and even though we advertise ourselves as helping people meet up and fuck, we do know that feelings can develop on one side or both.

My friend’s concern is that she has a regular fuck buddy with whom she meets up with and enjoys having sex with and that’s great. So far so perfect. Her problem she says is that she hasn’t done any other dating in the meantime. My response revolved around a number of questions that I think every person in a casual relationship should ask themselves.

1. Are you enjoying your fuck buddy relationship?
2. Do you feel it has stopped you from seeking out other partners, casual or otherwise?
3. When you first started sleeping with your new fuck buddy, were you hoping for more than just sex?
4. Were you sleeping with more than one person before you started having sex with your fuck buddy?

Your answers to these questions will help you reveal whether or not you have developed ‘Oneitis’ – a small obsession with just one partner, casual or otherwise. So let’s go through the potential responses and solutions.

How to diagnose and go past if you’re suffering
If you answered ‘Yes’ to question 1, then this can potentially override all the other questions. However if you answered ‘yes’ to questions 2, 3 and 4 as well, then you may be suffering from ‘Oneitis’.

So how do you get past ‘Oneitis’ in a casual relationship?

Well it’s quite simple really.

1. Start actively seeing other people as soon as possible.

This doesn’t mean you can’t still hook up with your regular fuck buddy, but it does mean you are reminding yourself that they are not that special and that there are in fact hundreds upon thousands of other people who are as equally or better at satisfying your needs then your regular fuck buddy is. This serves to remind you that you have a wide selection and that you value yourself enough to see what else is out there. It can be unhealthy in the long term to be with just one fuck buddy as it will detrimentally affect your relationships with potential future partners, short or long term.

2. Don’t meet up with your regular fuck buddy as often as you have been.

You need to give yourself some distance from the object of your comfort obsession. If you keep meeting up with them as regularly as you have been then you will again be making it harder for yourself to meet up with other people and who knows, meeting one that is better for you.

3. Find out how many other people your fuck buddy is sleeping with.

This will help in 2 ways. First if they tell you that they’re sleeping with several other people as well as you, it will remind you that they are treating the relationship as you should be; casually. Secondly, if they tell you that they’re only sleeping with you, then it will give you both the push to either have a conversation as to whether you both should go monogamous with each other or will remind you that you don’t actually care about them in the same way you thought you did. In other scenario, it will resolve your situation.

4. Sleep with 2 different people in the same week.

This will remind you that there is more sex than the sex you’re having with your one fuck buddy. It might serve to show your regular fuck buddy is very good, or not as good as you thought. Either way it will help hone your options down.

Happy fucking!

F-Buddy.com - oneitis

Oneitis – Why we all turn into morons when we like someone

Oneitis: Diagnosis & Cure