Do you remember when you were a teenager? You were virgin, you had never had sex with anyone before, and really you had no idea what you were doing. You saw girls, and your hormones kicked in and told you that you wanted to do something with them, but you are not actually sure what it was that you wanted to do. You just knew that you wanted to do, well, things with girls. If you can actually cast your mind back even further to before you had ever kissed a girl, you will remember that kissing looked weird to you. You didn’t understand why it was good, why people did it. Your first kiss of all time was likely a little odd as well. It was a weird experience, the sensations of someone else’s tongue in your mouth was unlike anything you had ever experienced before in your life. The only reason you stuck with it first time was that you had seen everyone else do it. You knew that it was supposed to be “good” that you were supposed to like it, so you went with it and you interpreted the strange feeling as nice.
This fumbling time of “firsts”, first kiss, first fuck was a special time. So many people did it at different ages, at different times and in different ways that there is no “normal” for this. What is universal is the fumbling and awkwardness that came with it. What I think of as the teenage bumbling years is something that nearly everyone shared.
When you first had sex, and I am talking about the very first time, there was this teenage awkwardness. You were the bungling guy not really knowing how to use your dick properly. You were amateurish in your approach, and unknowingly rude to the girl. You were all thumbs when you tried to undress her, and you were no better when maneuvering her on the bed. When you did eventually fuck, it was over pretty quick as these things go.
We can hold things for a long time, and our sexual confidence is based on our previous performance. We judge ourselves on how well we did in the past. The first time, we were far from smooth, and if we hold ourselves to account on it, we are stripped of our confidence. So here me now:
It was okay that you fucked badly when you were a teenager – because you were fucking like a teenager. Don’t worry, get over it, everyone did the same. It is no reflection on how you are now.
So forgive yourself the sexual mistakes of the past. You are not that guy anymore.